Not Gonna Do It

These are some of the things I will NOT do as an old lady...

1.  I will not DRIVE like an old lady.  You know, 10 and 2, back not touching the seat, looking straight ahead and squinting, driving 35 on the interstate, going into the next lane without caring if another car is there. 
2.  I will not listen to old lady music all the time.  When I'm an old lady, the stuff I listen to NOW may be old lady music, but I won't be listening to it.  I will stay current, and like what's popular.  There will be SOMETHING I like.
3.  I will not wear "granny panties."  NOTHING says "I'm a mom" or "I'm a grandma" like the edge of your "Hanes Her Way" sticking out of your mid-rise jeans.  I see people my age doing this.  I just shake my head... for many reasons. 
4.  Speaking of jeans, I will NOT wear jeans with an elastic waistband.  When my daughter was four, I was putting a cute little outfit on her... matching jeans and shirt.  They were toddler jeans though, with the elastic waist.  She said, "MAMA!  I'd rather not wear these.  These are Granny Lou jeans."  'Nuff said.  "I hear ya, sweetheart," and we found something else to wear.  If my waist is too big to wear real jeans, I won't wear jeans.
5.  My waist won't be too big to wear real jeans.
6.  I will NOT wake up at 5:00 a.m.  And I will not go to bed when the sun goes down.  If my body had its way, I would go to sleep at 11 or 12 and sleep until 8.  I've NEVER been an early riser, and I'm not going to change because I'm an old lady. 
7.  I will not make homemade buttermilk biscuits in the mornings.  Maybe this is a Southern old lady thing, but I'm not doing it.  First of all, they are HORRIBLE for you.  They take too long to make, make a mess in the kitchen, and you can buy good frozen ones at Walmart. 
8.  I will not perm my hair.
9.  I will not be too old to have a shot of Patron.
10.  I will not wear a sun visor.
11.  Or a fanny pack.
Here's to hoping... :)