I've been thinking a lot lately about what I have grown over the years to really pursue professionally... acting. My children are old enough now that they can be away from me for short periods of time, and I have an extremely supportive husband and family, and I've even been pursuing some out-of-town work. In the past, the only professional (aka "paying") jobs have been either doing commercials or industrial training films or mainstage shows at the state's professional regional theatre.... None of which are ever "edgy," to say the least.
Now, before I continue, I need to state an obvious fact. When I play a character on stage or in a film, I am obviously playing someone else. My family gets that. My husband gets that. I played a lesbian in a law enforcement film for the attorney general. I know that sounds funny... I won't go into detail. It was a training film for policemen on what to look out for in domestic violence situations. Point is... I am not a lesbian. I played one. My friends and family get it. Over the past year, I have played several characters on stage that required significant amounts of kissing. Again, everyone gets that. My hubby and parents and in-laws saw the shows and had no problems with that at all. But here's my question... When does the line get crossed?
If I am putting myself out there to do other professional work, I know there is going to be a line. For me, that line would most definitely come before nudity, but where before that? I guess I'm struggling with the person that is ME and my willingness to play a character who is nothing like me at all and who would actually BOTHER me. I've never had to think about that before.
I do know that my husband did not like my character in Cabaret. It bothered him. In fact, he left the show. But I'm not sure if that was because of the sexual nature of the show in general or if it was really MY character. I mean, my character was not a good person, by any stretch, but I never was crude or never used profanity or never danced in the club like the others. I wore underwear throughout the show and I was a prostitute. So what? So I think... If that character bothered him, wasn't that the point? She was SUPPOSED to bother people. She was SUPPOSED to be hated. Is there confusion there?
I don't use profanity as part of my daily language. That's not me. But if I were playing a character who did, I would. I have no problem separating that. But on a moral level, is that wrong? I don't think it is. No more wrong than a character I play falling in love and kissing throughout a play or film. And that, in recent years, has happened often. I don't know. I'm just trying to find the balance. I want to do things that my family and children can be proud of. And there IS a difference between being proud of the character and being proud of the work the actor did to portray that character. I wouldn't let my children see Cabaret. I wouldn't even let my 8-year-old see 39 Steps, which I call PG-12. But I would when they were older because I would want them to understand and appreciate the work involved in portraying a character... especially one that is very different from the actor herself.
I guess it's a personal decision. I suppose the only person's reaction I would care about would be my husband's. I certainly don't care about what anyone else thinks. And I suppose if he understands and can separate the actor from the work, and my own personal line is not crossed, then all is good.
I think I need to just find where that line is. And stick to it. And I need to talk to him more about the shows he is going to see so he won't feel the need to leave a show like Cabaret. Or he may choose not to come, which I would understand.
It's just complicated. And I want to do the right thing for me professionally and for my family. It's not all about me. I do, however, want to grow and challenge myself. But I also want my family to continue to be supportive. I could not do this work otherwise. And I do value and appreciate that more than I could ever express.
i wrote a really long response to this and an 'error occurred' and it didn't go thru....
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS BASICALLY WHAT I SAID THO....
i have always believed that as artists, we make compromises: we shift the "lines" we draw for ourselves for the sake of our art. that does NOT mean, however, that we do things that make us feel morally uncomfortable. trust yourself and your instincts and your loved ones should follow that same trust. be open about what you're doing, keep those that you love well-informed and continue to grow as a human being and the artist that you are and you should be fine. the second you are troubled by what you're doing, then it's time to step back over the line.
hope that helps? if not, let's get coffee and talk about it sometime! :)