Age is a strange thing to me. I know I'm a little bit obsessed with it. But I think it's because on the inside, I feel absolutely no different than I did when I was 15 or 25. Sure. I have learned things and may make different choices now, but really, I kind of doubt it. The only thing that has really changed for me since I was a teenager is my knowing that I'm not always right. I'm so much more inclusive of people who are different than me. I relate to just about everyone on some level. I know I am no better than any person in the world. In high school, I'm sure I thought I was the best one. Regardless, I still feel young inside. Really young. And I just recently started thinking When did I get older? When did that happen? I promise you I see a 23 year old and think they are my peer. And they really kind of aren't. There have been a couple different occasions or events in my life that I will never forget as being a turning point in my age. Or others' perceptions of my age. So I've created a list of these different moments or events that I recall as standing out in my mind as reminders that I am in fact growing older. And they all sucked.
1. The first one was when I was 24. I went to a Mary Kay party and they were talking about skin care products. One girl said to me, "You should try this that I use. It's great." The leader of the Mary Kay stuff said, "Well, she probably needs to start using our Timewise series. That that you use is for teenagers." Timewise?! I need to reverse time on my face already?? Yikes.
2. The second was when I was 25. I was cast as Mrs. Cratchit in A Christmas Carol. I had a daughter who was probably 20 in real life. Um... I can seriously pass for a woman old enough to have a teenage daughter?! I was a teenager myself just a few years ago?! That event doesn't bother me much now bc it WAS theatre. And age range is vast. If I can still pass for 20 on stage NOW, yeah, I could pass for 35 when I was 25. But, regardless, it was an eye-opener for me back then.
3. The third.... Turning 30. Enough said about that.
4. The fourth one happened soon after turning 30. I realized, according to Urban Dictionary, I was in the age range of someone who could be a COUGAR. That's right. I was cougar age. I wasn't a cougar. Don't misunderstand. I wasn't after a college frat boy, but I was the right age for it. I cried that day.
5. The fifth was also when I was 30. I took some mother/baby photos with my newborn son. When the pictures came back, my skin looked different. Like saggier or something. I blamed the photographer. Seriously. He totally could have said, "That's just what your skin looks like." But no. He was super nice and said he'd see what he could do. I realized after that that it wasn't the photographer's fault. That woman in the photo was just me.
6. The next one happened about a year or two ago. I don't know what we were talking about as far as casting goes, but all I can remember is my friend who casts lots of shows at New Stage saying something like, "You're not that young anymore Jess. You can't play those 20-something roles anymore." That kind of stunned me a little. I mean, I was barely 30. I was closer to being 20-something than being 40. That comment sent me to Dr. Blackledge for Botox.
7. The next one happened just this year at my yearly physical. I had gained a solid 8 lbs. I had been about the same weight for 12 years... give or take a pound... not counting being pregnant, of course. I didn't understand. I had become a full out runner in this last year. Before, I was pretty much a NON exerciser. How could I have gained weight?! Age. That's how. Metabolism. Hormones. I'm getting older. I have to work harder. Ouch.
8. Then last week at the beach. A busboy who was in his mid-twenties answered a question I posed to him with "Yes M'am." Oh. My. Gosh. Please no. I was NOT old enough to be this guy's mother. Why would he say that?! I told him to never do that again. To anyone around my age. But, then, how old did he think I was? He apologized, and I told him I'd be okay after I went to the bathroom and cried.
8. And last... Tonight. I was just thinking about how I wish Lenny would take me dancing somewhere. Or either one of my gay guy friends (which Lenny probably wouldn't have a problem with). Then I thought Does Jackson still have dance places? Then that led me to think about that old place The Dock. I remember as a college student hating to go to that place. It was just the worst. The music was bad. Those "dock rocker" drinks gave me brain freeze. And, most importantly, it was full of old people. And standing in my kitchen today, I realized that those "old people" were probably about my age. That one was painful. So painful it made me start blogging about this stuff.
And now I'm approaching my scariest age to date. Scarier than the big 3-0. Scarier than the Jesus age. It's the age that women start having increased birth defects in their children... the year your skin goes to hell... the year the doctors tell you you shouldn't take birth control pills anymore because of the risk of blood clots. I'll be in the next age bracket in track races.
But you know? What's the alternative to growing older? I love my life. I'm thankful for my kids. My husband, health, talents, opportunities, and on and on. All I can do is try my best to keep a youthful energy and outlook and appearance. I guess it's important to me, whether it should be or not. I love my life. I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe those forehead wrinkles of mine. :)
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