Second week

It's just the second of 18 weeks in this process, and I'm ALREADY a little demoralized.  I'm not quitting.  Not a chance.  But I'm thinking that maybe I don't have the kind of time I thought I had.  These have been relatively short runs this week.  Nothing more than about an hour of running.  But it's going to get agonizing.  The day before my church's 5K race that I'm directing I will have run 18 miles.  I run 18 miles on Friday and am up super early the next day directing a 5K.  Really? 

I keep thinking I should have done this with my friends last year.  How much easier would it be with a team of people who are training with you?  Encouraging you.  Telling you (or screaming at you, in my case) to "Move your ass and don't stop running!" (Thank you Ali.  I needed that.)  But last year, the mere thought of a half marathon was an impossible one.  And it was for me.  There is no way I was ready or had the natural ability to run a full marathon after only completing a few 5K races.  So my friends trained for the full while I trained for the half.  And we all succeeded.  I was so proud of them.  And I was proud of myself.  It was an unreachable goal for me.  And for them.  And we reached it.

But here I am.  I was kind of counting on either Lenny or one of my friends being there with me to run the last 5 miles or so of each of my long runs.  I thought that I'd be able to make it that way.  But I don't think that's going to happen.  People have their own lives to live.... responsibilties.... schedules.  I can't possibly think that everyone around me should just stop what they are doing and go run an hour with me.  When I realized that, I was sad.  Could I really do it?  Alone? 

And then I thought back to my first half marathon (the one I blogged on here about).  I ran that race alone.  Just me and God.  And it was in the top 5 most amazing things I've ever experienced.  I need to always remember that.  I'm not doing this marathon for anyone else.  And honestly, if I had no encouragement or support at all, it would be hard, but I would still do it.  But I will have support.  It's a personal journey for me.  It's an impossible feat.  It's not about weight loss or fitness level.  In fact, I strangely care nothing about that.  It's about self-discipline and reliance on God.  It's about seeing this unreachable goal and reaching it.  Just me.  Just me and God.  And I have no doubts whatsoever that He will be there for me every single mile.  I look forward to that time together.