Trick Your Brain?



My mother has a Ph.D. in counseling. She is published, counsels people and teaches at a university. Who would think that she could tell me three little words that may or may not change my life? We're all screwed up, right? We all have issues. Many of us actually pay a licensed counselor to help us through tough times. Years and years of counseling some people think they need. But three words... Three words could possibly eliminate the need for counseling for all mankind?

TRICK. YOUR. BRAIN. That's what she told me the other day. And she didn't sit me down and look me in the eye and get all serious on me. I think she was actually getting up for her chair and sort of threw those words as me with a little nonchalant headshake. "Ehh.. Trick your brain." No big deal. Just trick your brain.

So now let's apply this. I have chronic migraines. I have no idea what causes them. But let's say I just trick my brain into thinking I don't have them. *Head is killing me* "Oh, no sir, my head doesn't hurt!" and just go about your business? Eventually, will your head just give up trying to kill you? Kind of ignore it and it will go away? Now, I don't think she was talking about physical ailments, but guess who is trying this new "trick your brain" technique regarding headaches right this minute? I'll let you know how that goes. I actually think that example blows.

Let's try this... Think about it... Any sort of happiness/sadness/worry/stress issue that you have could really benefit from this technique. Let's say you are sad you didn't get the job you wanted. What if you told your brain that you didn't want that job to begin with? You say it over and over every day until your poor confused brain catches on. I mean really... Who cares you are a friggin liar? If it helps you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, then lie away, right? Live your life in a deceitful way? Ok, now that I think about this example, I think it blows too. I mean, where does your heart come in to this equation? Isn't it your heart that wanted the job? I can buy into tricking your brain, but not your heart. MAYBE after a while, if your brain really starting believing that you didn't want the job, then PERHAPS your heart would go along for a while. Until you saw the person that got the job instead of you... or you read something that reminded you of the job... Or what if the job was... say... a lifeguard? Every time you saw water or the sun or a bathing suit you would mourn the loss of the job all over again. Your heart won't forget how much it wanted that job and will tell your brain.

Ok. I'm trying one more example before I just give up on this theory completely. And I think this one may work. What if someone dear to you was no longer here? Let's say they died or went away forever. You could trick your brain into thinking you just talked to them. Or just saw them. Have you ever had a dream about someone no longer living and you wake up and it really feels as if you just saw that person? I've always taken those dreams as a gift from God. I love them. Because you DO feel as if you just saw them. Not only did you see them, but often you talk to them and touch them. So if that works, then perhaps it works to trick your brain into thinking you see and talk to people all the time, even though you don't. You would never miss anyone ever again. This example I like. You are not lying to your brain. Or your heart. You are just remembering. You can close your eyes and remember what it felt like to hug your grandfather. And the way he smelled. And just PRETEND that you did actually hug him. This is the sort of brain tricking I can live with.

There is quite a difference between lying to your brain and saying, "I don't care that he died. I don't miss him" and just PRETENDING you just saw him. You do the former and then see a picture of your grandfather and what does your heart do? It breaks. And to hell with all the lying you've been doing to your brain. Because heart rules, people. You will break down in an emotional fit because you miss him. And then you decide to start the whole deceptive cycle all over again. But do the latter and what happens? You see a picture of him and your heart and brain collectively smile. Because it seems as if you just hugged him. And can still smell that smell of peppermint and tobacco, right? And you close your eyes and hug him again in your mind. So if this is what my mom meant by "trick your brain," I'm on board. I don't think it IS what she meant. But I still benefit from her words. Because I really really like this last example. And I will use it for sure in the future. I guess it is a form of lying to your brain. But it's a lie that won't backfire.

This kind of brain tricking is like getting one of those awesome God gifts in the form of a dream. But you are giving it to yourself.

Interpretation and Culture: How They Both Change

Here again is another blog in reference to the theology class I am taking at my church. Something the pastor said made me start thinking. One thing he said was how you have to read the Bible in the light of the culture at the time it was written to correctly interpret it. Last week, I asked him about people taking verses out of the Bible and claiming ridiculous things.  Like the verse “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:28.  People will say that means you can't get a tattoo.  He told me that it had more to do with the pagan worship of the dead than the actual defacing of the body. I see this. You must understand the context of the culture to be able to understand the meaning for us today.

But here's something I find fascinating... I think Christians' interpretations of the Bible change with our own culture and our own personal biases. They shouldn't. And I'll be even more specific. Baptists' interpretation of the Bible changes with our own culture. I'll give you examples. What about the subject of interracial marriages?  Now the Bible is pretty clear to me that there is no problem at all with interracial marriages, but how many Baptist ministers in Mississippi 50 years would marry a black person to a white person in their churches? They might pick some scripture like in 2 Corinthians about being unequally yoked and refuse to marry them. Now? I would hate to think there is a minister out there who would claim that is the right interpretation. (I'm sure they're out there, but they're wrong.) And what about the dancing?  My mother tells me when she was in high school that dancing was seriously sinful. I don't even know where in Scripture someone could argue that, but it was so because of our culture, I suppose. Now, we have dance classes to go with the songs in Vacation Bible School! And we're not just talking arm motions here. We use our hips. *scandalous*

And even still a touchy subject - alcohol. It was honestly within the last ten years when my own current church had a churchwide Sunday School lesson on the sinfulness of alcohol. And, no, I didn't just sit there and let that go on. Somebody was going to SHOW me where it said in the Bible that drinking alcohol in reasonable amounts was sinful. And if it is sinful, then our Savior was sinful, and we all know for certain that is not the case. And don't give me that grape juice garbage. Grape juice doesn't calm your stomach when it's upset. Regardless... I could write a blog on this alone, but you get the drift. I feel pretty certain that even in the Baptist church (although this may be the only church left who tends to have this stance), in another decade, this won't be an absolute prohibition for all Christians to abstain from alcohol. It may be taught to guard against or be cautious with. But I can't see it being taught as outright sinful. It's a change in interpretation based on our culture. (And let me be clear so I'm not quoted incorrectly. There are people who should not drink alcohol. And I understand why leaders at the pulpit can't say, "Go for it and drink what you want!" That would be irresponsible, as would telling everyone they should go eat at the Berry's Seafood Buffet when there are people who should never go to an all-you-can-eat buffet.)

And shall I even get on my soap box about women? Again, it's fascinating to me that our own culture changes the way we look at Scripture.  Would we have women in leadership positions in a Baptist church 50 years ago? 25 years ago? What about the silent women bondage Scripture? ("Let your women keep silent in the churches: For it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also says the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husband at home: For it is a shame for a woman to speak in a church." 1 Corinthians 14:34-35). Now I don't know what was going on in Corinth for Paul to tell them this, but that's the point. SOMETHING was rotten in the state of Corinth.  I'm not a Biblical scholar to know what it was. I hope to find that out in the class. But I know what Jesus thought of women. I know that in a culture which did not recognize a woman's testimony in a court of law, God allowed women to be the FIRST witnesses of Jesus' resurrection (Luke 24: 1-12; Acts 2: 17-18). In Romans 16:1, Paul recommends a woman named Phoebe, "a deacon of the church of Cenchreae."  Although church offices had not yet been established, the term "deacon" denotes some sort of leadership position in the church.  In this passage (Romans 16: 1-12), Prisca, Mary, Junia, Tryphaena, and Tryphosa function as co-workers in the churches.  How can they be co-workers if they can't speak in the church?  How can Phoebe fulfill the role of deacon if she can't speak out in the assembly?

Galatians 3:28, Paul writes, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female;  for ye are all one in Christ Jesus." It is glaringly obvious that women, married or unmarried, can have leadership positions in the church. And they should be able to do so equally with men and not be relegated to terms such as "Director" instead of "Reverend." We have come a long way, but we still have some issues because of how we have done things based on tradition. In another 50 years, I believe gender equality will happen. In the meantime, all we can do is keep searching for truth and TRY not to let our current culture and personal biases change the way we interpret the Bible. The interpretation should not change. It should be constant. It IS constant. WE are the fickle humans who bend meanings to fit what we want to believe. Again, that's why I am loving this class. It's so cool to dig into Scripture and find out the context and meanings behind passages that have, to many of us, become rote. I am sure there are places in the Bible that I have misinterpreted. I look forward to finding out what those passages are and honestly and open-mindedly discovering what the truth is.

Theology

Hubs and I are taking a theology class at our church. I think I am going to love it. Already my mind is running crazy with questions, and I'm finding answers and differing opinions, and I'm fascinated.  As I was talking out my biggest question from yesterday's first class to hubs, he says, "Well, I don't know the answer, but I know this won't be your only hiccup." True. And I absolutely love that wheels-turning, trying-to-understand feeling. So I thought I'd share my first big area of confusion, and I hope my friends who also like to think and understand such things can help me understand.

Now I am certainly not as intellectual, educated or well-versed in scripture as my pastor, so I'm sure I will miss something or mix something up when I try to express my questions, but I will do my best. Here's my best stab at it:  I agree that at some point in every human, God reveals himself. Whether that be in just looking at the stars in the sky and how perfectly the universe is made and our bodies are made, or whether it be in innately knowing, as C.S. Lewis expresses, that there is right and wrong. Humans who have never heard of God have a conscience. I get that. I totally agree. But knowing the Gospel of Jesus Christ is not naturally revealed. Someone must be told that message. I understand that too. And I know that the Bible says in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

During the class, the pastor said something like this: Now what about the guy on some remote island who never hears the message of Jesus Christ and never has the chance to accept him? He may choose to understand through the natural revelation of God that there is a God, but he would have no way of ever knowing there is a Jesus and what He did on the cross for him and accepting Him. According to that John 14:6 scripture, he would go to hell. I have a prolem with that, and here's why.  If that is true, then babies and little children and unborn babies and mentally handicapped individuals would also go to hell.  When asked that question, words like "age of accountability" and "merciful enough" were spoken.  The pastor said that the term "age of accountability" was not ever used in the Bible, but that would be the point in an individual's life when he or she is mentally able and responsible enough to make a decision to follow Christ. But if God is merciful enough to not send babies and mentally retarded people to hell, then how is the guy on the remote island different? Why wouldn't God's mercy reach to him? If there is a little ignorant-of-the-Gospel family on this remote island including a mom, a dad and a baby, and a hurricane comes through and kills all of them, the baby would go to heaven, but the parents would go to hell? I know what the Bible says, but if I choose to believe that God doesn't send babies to hell (which I do choose, by the way), then it's hard for me to see the difference when it comes to groups of people who never have the chance to choose Jesus.

Now, last night, a very intelligent Bible scholar and uncle of hubby got into a discussion about this which led to his belief in limited atonement, which is that God sent Jesus to save a chosen few, not everyone. He did an amazing job explaining his stance on it, backed by scripture. (Is 53:12, "yet He Himself bore the sin of many.") But I also found scripture last night that backed my stance that Jesus did die for the entire world, not just a select few. (1 John 2:2, "and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world.") We had a fascinating discussion, and I respect very much his view on it, but I am going to choose to stick with my view on that.  Although, if I did believe in limited atonement, my questions would immediately be answered.  But also in that case, I wouldn't believe in sending missionaries to spread the Gospel, and I know that Bible calls us to be "fishers of men." (John 21:17)  John 3:16 is sort of the basis of Christianity. It's the verse we're all drilled with as children, and it does read "whosoever believes in him," not just a few. 

I wondered if anyone out there would like to add to my understanding of this aspect of the Bible, without arguing for limited atonement. Like I said, I can wrap my brain around it, and it DOES answer my heaven/hell questions, and I respect anyone's choice to believe it, but that's not what I believe, so, given my choice in believing that Christ died for the whole world and that everyone has the option to choose Christ, how do you explain what happens to children and not have it carry through to people who have never heard Christ? I do believe what the Bible says. But it almost seems as if that would mean that even a child would go to hell, and I know my God would not do that. Thoughts?

Things You Need to Know That You Don't Learn In Kindergarten

I'm sure we've all either read or heard of the Robert Fulgham's book All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten.  I get it, and I agree on the point.  But let's face it.  There are some things in this world that you have to know that no one teaches you in kindergarten, or any other time, for that matter.  These are lessons that you learn "the hard way."  Today I thought to myself You know, if someone at some earlier point in my life had told me this stuff, I would have had lots of happier times, instead of those "hard way" times when I learned by trial and error.  I decided to try to come up with a small list of some of these things that I will be sure to convey to my own children at some point in their lives....



1.  Recognize SPAM y'all.  I mean, come on.  For instance, you know your second grade teacher is not sending you a link to see a video of a teenage girl being "walked in on" by her dad.  Please.  SPAM.  Don't click on it because when you do, you recreate all kinds of trouble for me and others.  Take a minute to google "How to recognize spam" and THEN get a facebook account or a computer.  It will make the world a better place.

2.  Here is the rule on white shoes:  You may NEVER EVER wear white shoes unless you are a baby, a little girl, a bride (and I'm not even sure about that one), running/exercising, or wearing flip-flops.  There is no "Labor Day" rule when it comes to shoes.  They are awful on everyone's feet.  Don't see yourself in a photo and think Why didn't someone tell me?!  I just did.

3.  Judge for yourselves.  You may learn black and white facts in kindergarten, but there are lots of things in this world that someone may tell you is fact, and it may not be.  If someone says something is good, and your gut is telling you it's bad, listen to your gut.  A quick story.. and I'll be very vague so no one gets their feelings hurt:  I was once at a Christian ladies' event and they had a guest speaker that was well known and had lots of friends there and lots of credentials.  She was a nut job.  As this crazy woman is speaking, I look around the room at all the ladies there.  Everyone is smiling and taking notes and even later I hear them tell her what a wonderful job she did.  I think Am I in bizarro world?  This woman is not only a terrible speaker and has NO business doing this kind of thing, but she really is crazy.  And I'm a little crazy myself (I firmly believe 10% crazy keeps you interesting), as my husband would attest, so I know crazy.  Come to find out there was more than just me who picked up on this.  And looking back, the right thing to do would have been to walk out.  But I doubted what my gut was saying.  We need to trust the gut.  It's right most of the time.  Even if it's opposite of the crowd's opinion.  It's the right choice.

4.  RSVP y'all.  People should have a little class and do what they are supposed to do.  This should be taught in school, but it's left up to parents, and the parents don't even do it.  Now I'll be the first to say, there have been some times when an invitation got misplaced or even lost, and I have failed to RSVP.  VERY few times, but I don't have a perfect RSVP record, unfortunately.  But the older I get, and the more parties/functions I host, the more I value and respect the RSVP.  When you don't RSVP, in my mind, it is incredibly inconsiderate and classless.... like an empty beer box on the top of your Christmas tree instead of a star or angel. 





5.  Here's something you don't learn in kindergarten:  DRINK WATER BEFORE YOU GO TO BED and you won't have a hangover.  Who knew it was so simple?!  Why didn't I learn this from someone somewhere???  Now, I'm not talking about getting blitzed out of your mind... I'm talking about a normal few drinks when people are over or out at a restaurant.... Drink a bottle of water before you get in the bed, and all will be right in the world the next day. 



6.  You get what you pay for.  It's cliche, yet STILL, everyone is trying to get a great deal.  Cheap eats, cheap haircut (bless this little guy's heart), free stuff, etc.  We recently bought a new TV for our new house.  It came with a FREE blu-ray player.  Wow.  Cool.  Less than a year later, it doesn't work.  You get what you pay for.  Old Navy's clothes are cute and cheap, right?  They last a season.  Mark it.  They have 3 months of wear in them.  Perfect for kids who are constantly growing.  Awful for moms who hopefully have stopped growing.  Wanta stay at the $59 a night hotel instead of the $169 a night one?  Um.  NO.  Because why?  You get what you pay for.  If you can't afford the $169 a night, then don't go and save up until you can.  You get what you pay for.  I don't want to know how much much I've thrown away on crap.  Total waste.  Found bottles of champagne on sale for $4 a bottle?!?  WOW!  Yeah.  DON'T drink that stuff.  You'll have a hangover not even gallons of water before bed will be able to touch.  Someone should have told me this at an earlier part of my life because I learned "the hard way."  You get what you pay for.

7.  And here's the last one for the night.  One I learned just TODAY.  "The hard way."  When your child is sick or even complains of any discomfort whatsoever, REMOVE the expensive or expensive-to-clean bedding from the bed.  If you don't, you will spend $55 at the dry cleaners to remove the vomit from a $50 comforter.  I guess you COULD try to clean the dry-clean-only comforter yourself, but remember... you get what you pay for.

Stress Fracture

Back in September '10, I was almost ready for my first half marathon.  I had worked so hard, going from someone who could barely finish 3 miles to someone very close to running 13.  My foot started hurting...  Shooting pains in the foot near my ankle.  I had it x-rayed, and the inept doctor told me nothing was wrong...  That maybe I needed a wedge in my shoe.  So he put a wedge in my shoe and told me to run.  "Ice it if it swells."  What a doctor that was. 

I did, however, complete that October half marathon and two more, the Dallas White Rock Half in December and the Renaissance Half here in Ridgeland in April.  I have had some minor issues with the foot - hurting and swelling after long runs.  But nothing debilitating. 

And now, as I finished up the first two weeks of marathon training, my foot starts swelling.  Not so much hurting, but major swelling.

I made an appointment with a NEW doctor at the sports medicine clinic and saw her Monday.  She looked at the x-rays from September and the new ones and pointed to the stress fracture in both x-rays.  The new ones with a worse case than the September ones.  I don't understand why the first doctor didn't see this.  So I have an MRI tomorrow to see what I'm looking at as far as running goes.  Could be as little as several weeks of no running to up to 6 months. 

I was devasted by my swollen foot back in September and the possibility of not completing this first half marathon that had become such a reachable goal for me through all the hard work.  This time, I wasn't as devastated.  There will be other races... other marathons.  And I'd really love to get this foot fixed before I start a marathon training program, obviously.  I had only completed 2 of 18 weeks.  It could have been SO much worse.  I could have been a week away from the marathon.  For that I am very thankful.

Even though I know all that, and I can surely see the good things about finding this out now, I still have my moments.  I realized today I couldn't run the Watermelon Classic on the July 4th with my kids (they were excited about it.)  That was a sad moment. 

I went into the bedroom and saw that the power light was on on the treadmill.  I went over and turned it off and wondered when would be the next time I turned it on.  That was sad.

And I was folding clothes tonight and folded up my running clothes from the last time I ran and put them away in my running clothes drawer.  That was the saddest I've been so far.  My mind started wandering... What if the MRI shows something bad and I'm out of the running game for the whole next season of marathons?  What if running a marathon just isn't in the cards for me?  As I shut the drawer, I wondered When will I open this drawer again?

I've never been an athlete.  Never.  I was a cheerleader, but I wasn't even a good cheerleader.  I can't jump.  I'm not flexible.  I'm scared of things flying in the air towards me.  I get motion sick worse than anyone I've known.  I'm not even really a fan of sweat.  It's just so ironic to me that I actually find this sport I love and this happens.  I asked my husband tonight, "Can you believe I actually have a sports injury!?  HA!"  He said, "That is pretty unexpected." 

I know running has become my thing.  It was so hard to do for me.  It does not come naturally.  I have to work so hard, but I can work hard.  And I can do it.  My training was going so easily.  I really thought this marathon was going to happen.  I thought that 13.1 sticker was going to be replaced with a 26.2. 

It will.  I'm doing everything in my power to make it happen.  I have a great doctor now... The foot specialist at the sports medicine clinic.  I have an awesome God who answers prayers and knows my heart and its desires.  So... I guess this is a to-be-continued situation.  And it will be continued....

Second week

It's just the second of 18 weeks in this process, and I'm ALREADY a little demoralized.  I'm not quitting.  Not a chance.  But I'm thinking that maybe I don't have the kind of time I thought I had.  These have been relatively short runs this week.  Nothing more than about an hour of running.  But it's going to get agonizing.  The day before my church's 5K race that I'm directing I will have run 18 miles.  I run 18 miles on Friday and am up super early the next day directing a 5K.  Really? 

I keep thinking I should have done this with my friends last year.  How much easier would it be with a team of people who are training with you?  Encouraging you.  Telling you (or screaming at you, in my case) to "Move your ass and don't stop running!" (Thank you Ali.  I needed that.)  But last year, the mere thought of a half marathon was an impossible one.  And it was for me.  There is no way I was ready or had the natural ability to run a full marathon after only completing a few 5K races.  So my friends trained for the full while I trained for the half.  And we all succeeded.  I was so proud of them.  And I was proud of myself.  It was an unreachable goal for me.  And for them.  And we reached it.

But here I am.  I was kind of counting on either Lenny or one of my friends being there with me to run the last 5 miles or so of each of my long runs.  I thought that I'd be able to make it that way.  But I don't think that's going to happen.  People have their own lives to live.... responsibilties.... schedules.  I can't possibly think that everyone around me should just stop what they are doing and go run an hour with me.  When I realized that, I was sad.  Could I really do it?  Alone? 

And then I thought back to my first half marathon (the one I blogged on here about).  I ran that race alone.  Just me and God.  And it was in the top 5 most amazing things I've ever experienced.  I need to always remember that.  I'm not doing this marathon for anyone else.  And honestly, if I had no encouragement or support at all, it would be hard, but I would still do it.  But I will have support.  It's a personal journey for me.  It's an impossible feat.  It's not about weight loss or fitness level.  In fact, I strangely care nothing about that.  It's about self-discipline and reliance on God.  It's about seeing this unreachable goal and reaching it.  Just me.  Just me and God.  And I have no doubts whatsoever that He will be there for me every single mile.  I look forward to that time together. 

How I Know I'm Getting Old

Age is a strange thing to me.  I know I'm a little bit obsessed with it.  But I think it's because on the inside, I feel absolutely no different than I did when I was 15 or 25.  Sure.  I have learned things and may make different choices now, but really, I kind of doubt it.  The only thing that has really changed for me since I was a teenager is my knowing that I'm not always right.  I'm so much more inclusive of people who are different than me.  I relate to just about everyone on some level.  I know I am no better than any person in the world.  In high school, I'm sure I thought I was the best one.  Regardless, I still feel young inside.  Really young.  And I just recently started thinking When did I get older?  When did that happen?  I promise you I see a 23 year old and think they are my peer.  And they really kind of aren't.  There have been a couple different occasions or events in my life that I will never forget as being a turning point in my age.  Or others' perceptions of my age.  So I've created a list of these different moments or events that I recall as standing out in my mind as reminders that I am in fact growing older.  And they all sucked.

1.  The first one was when I was 24.  I went to a Mary Kay party and they were talking about skin care products.  One girl said to me, "You should try this that I use.  It's great."  The leader of the Mary Kay stuff said, "Well, she probably needs to start using our Timewise series.  That that you use is for teenagers."  Timewise?!  I need to reverse time on my face already??  Yikes. 

2.  The second was when I was 25.  I was cast as Mrs. Cratchit in A Christmas Carol.  I had a daughter who was probably 20 in real life.  Um... I can seriously pass for a woman old enough to have a teenage daughter?!  I was a teenager myself just a few years ago?!  That event doesn't bother me much now bc it WAS theatre.  And age range is vast.  If I can still pass for 20 on stage NOW, yeah, I could pass for 35 when I was 25.  But, regardless, it was an eye-opener for me back then.

3.  The third.... Turning 30.  Enough said about that.

4.  The fourth one happened soon after turning 30.  I realized, according to Urban Dictionary, I was in the age range of someone who could be a COUGAR.  That's right.  I was cougar age.  I wasn't a cougar.  Don't misunderstand.  I wasn't after a college frat boy, but I was the right age for it.  I cried that day.

5.  The fifth was also when I was 30.  I took some mother/baby photos with my newborn son.  When the pictures came back, my skin looked different.  Like saggier or something.  I blamed the photographer.  Seriously.  He totally could have said, "That's just what your skin looks like."  But no.  He was super nice and said he'd see what he could do.  I realized after that that it wasn't the photographer's fault.  That woman in the photo was just me. 

6.  The next one happened about a year or two ago.  I don't know what we were talking about as far as casting goes, but all I can remember is my friend who casts lots of shows at New Stage saying something like, "You're not that young anymore Jess.  You can't play those 20-something roles anymore."  That kind of stunned me a little.  I mean, I was barely 30.  I was closer to being 20-something than being 40.  That comment sent me to Dr. Blackledge for Botox.

7.  The next one happened just this year at my yearly physical.  I had gained a solid 8 lbs.  I had been about the same weight for 12 years... give or take a pound... not counting being pregnant, of course.  I didn't understand.  I had become a full out runner in this last year.  Before, I was pretty much a NON exerciser.  How could I have gained weight?!  Age.  That's how.  Metabolism.  Hormones.  I'm getting older.  I have to work harder.  Ouch.

8.  Then last week at the beach.  A busboy who was in his mid-twenties answered a question I posed to him with "Yes M'am."  Oh. My. Gosh.  Please no.  I was NOT old enough to be this guy's mother.  Why would he say that?!    I told him to never do that again.  To anyone around my age.  But, then, how old did he think I was?  He apologized, and I told him I'd be okay after I went to the bathroom and cried.

8.  And last... Tonight.  I was just thinking about how I wish Lenny would take me dancing somewhere.  Or either one of my gay guy friends (which Lenny probably wouldn't have a problem with).  Then I thought Does Jackson still have dance places?  Then that led me to think about that old place The Dock.  I remember as a college student hating to go to that place.  It was just the worst.  The music was bad.  Those "dock rocker" drinks gave me brain freeze.  And, most importantly, it was full of old people.  And standing in my kitchen today, I realized that those "old people" were probably about my age.  That one was painful.  So painful it made me start blogging about this stuff.

And now I'm approaching my scariest age to date.  Scarier than the big 3-0.  Scarier than the Jesus age.  It's the age that women start having increased birth defects in their children... the year your skin goes to hell... the year the doctors tell you you shouldn't take birth control pills anymore because of the risk of blood clots.  I'll be in the next age bracket in track races. 

But you know?  What's the alternative to growing older?  I love my life.  I'm thankful for my kids.  My husband, health, talents, opportunities, and on and on.  All I can do is try my best to keep a youthful energy and outlook and appearance.  I guess it's important to me, whether it should be or not.  I love my life.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Except maybe those forehead wrinkles of mine. :)