Facebook: We love it. We hate it.

Facebook: We love it. We hate it.

Face it (pun intended), most people in today's world have a facebook account. And it's a good idea. You can keep in touch with people you would never be able to otherwise. You get to see pictures of your old friends' kids and grandkids. You get to keep up with former teachers and mentors and family. It's a place to post things that make people laugh or inspire people. It's a news venue. A place for group discussions. A classified ads venue. An advice column. A birthday boy or girl's joy. A calendar. A place to promote great events or to solicit help for people in need. There are some great things about facebook. Great idea. Why didn't I think of it?

But I have concerns about facebook. It is not all roses. I find myself more often than not distressed in some way after visiting facebook.

It's addictive. You feel good about yourself when you see that red notification symbol. Never mind it's normally just someone inviting you to something you'd rather not even know about. But you start really liking that symbol. And you find yourself constantly checking in to see what people are saying and posting and, for goodness sake, of course for that red symbol. And then there are the facebook addicted "gamers" who are doing nothing but constantly posting Bejeweled scores and Farmville invitations and Mafia Wars pleas. "Kill em, family!!!" I remember the first time I saw that post in somebody's status update. What the hell!? Kill WHO? And why?! Do they know everybody can see this and it's no private message?! These people are intense. And addicted. And it makes you worry. You literally squint your eyes and tilt your head.

Now, we all stalk. You're a liar if you say you don't. EVERYBODY facebook stalks people. You want to take a peek into someone else's life and see what they are up to? You facebook stalk. You can see what people say to other people, you can see the photos they post, you can see where they are and where they are going. And thanks to OTHER people's posts and photos, you even know what they are doing. It's nuts. And I'm SO thankful it was NOT around when I was in college. SO thankful.  I won't get into why. I just am. But I will be facebook stalking my kids, fo true.

And I don't know about you, but I don't really love being outright stalked. I mean, if you want to stalk me, at least sort of be cool about it. Be a "lurker" facebook user. You know the type - the "peeping Toms" of facebook. The ones who kind of see what's going on and like to know your business but never post anything themselves because they don't want you to know THEIR business.

It gets a little bit creepy when someone "likes" everything you post. And I mean everything. Every photo. Every status. Every comment. Every everything. Those are the unashamed stalkers, and frankly, I don't know whether to kudos their ballsiness or run from them.

But here's the dilemma... You are a frequent posting member of facebook. People know you work as a nude model for the local art school, right? They know everything because you tell them. But you see a friend of yours, who is also a facebook friend, and they don't know this. "Since when do you do THAT?!" "Well, since I posted it. Since my acting career fell through and I had no other skills. Haven't you been reading my facebook posts?!" You suddenly realize you just ASSUME people care and are stalking you. It messes with your head. You think "Maybe I DO want to be stalked." Or "I thought this person CARED!!" When, truth be told, they probably don't. And you realize you've been talking to the universe, and nobody's listening. And it causes another squint-eyed head tilt.

And then there are posts on facebook that make you want to punch the person in the throat. Let's call these people the "baby poop" posters. You know who I mean. For example, "My baby's poop is yellow and I thought it was supposed to be brown or orange. Look at this picture and tell me what to do!" Or "Hubs colonoscopy tomorrow! He's drunk all that jug from the pharmacist and he goes to the bathroom every 10 minutes. That bathroom will never smell the same." Or "Sally just threw up on my new rug. She told me she was ok. It's chunky and disgusting! Never believe a 2-year-old!"

And it's not just the bodily function posts. It's the hunting posts too. "Jim just killed his first deer! LOOK!" as we see a photo of a bloody deer with its eyes rolled back in its head. Or how about "So proud of my son skinning his first deer," complete with photo of a smiling child with a knife over a deer dripping with blood. You get me. Scenes from "The Walking Dead." Now these "baby poop" posters don't cause squint-eyed head tilts. They cause big frowns with furrowed brows and an upset stomach. STOP.

And then there is the promoter. You can tell when someone is selling something and wants you to buy it. I finally had to start hiding people who kept posting about that shake meal replacement stuff. I don't CARE how many pounds Alex lost using it. I don't want to buy it. And I don't care how much money it has made you selling it. I'm not selling it. And then you just get angry. I'm not even sure why. Just aggravating having something crammed down your throat when you don't want it. And these people are just too friggin positive for me.

And then there is the guy who doesn't know how to type or read or spell because his posts look something like this: "i  told you.It's the perferbial slipery slope"

Yeah. Raised brows on that one.

Or maybe it's the non-punctuating screamer: "POISON IS THE BEST BAND EVER I TOLD MY FRIENDS TO FIND A BETTER BAND"

And of course you have the "drama queens." The ones who complain and cry about everything. I'm not even giving examples of this one. I've always got enough drama of my own. I never need to get sucked into someone else's through facebook. Just call your friend, people. Or your therapist. Some things don't need to be splashed onto facebook's canvas.

At this point I'm thinking I need to get off facebook. It's bringing me down. But before you log off, you see those posts from the "obscurists" that drive you insane. They are your friends who are there for no other reason than to bait you for conversation. They want you to talk to them. So they post something obscure like "Only one more day." Or "I don't want to stop." Or "I knew it would happen." I've gotten to the point where I honestly want to comment on "I knew it would happen" with something like, "Yep. The sun rises," or "Menopause sucks," depending on my level of smartassness that day.

Just like everything in life, something like facebook gets out of hand. And I guess it is what it is. I can either enjoy talking to the universe and maybe a few friends and ignore all the stuff I hate, or I can leave the party. I do have that choice. I'm thinking I'll stick around for a while and feed my stalker streak.

And I feel the need to say I AM NOT a nude model for an art school. That was an illustation. I wouldn't want the "town crier/drama queen" facebook user to go buck wild with that rumor. I'm sure she'd LOVE that.